烤乳猪
It's always me
A father said to his sons：“Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it？”
The oldest son replied：“Father，I'll eat it all！”
The father then said：“Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it？”
The same son answered：“Father，I'll eat it all！”
The father added：“Tomorrow，we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough？”
The oldest son answered again：“It's always me，always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer！”
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一头猪，谁要吃呢？”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
Coincidence
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
“What a terrible voice！” he said. “Do you know who she is？”
“Yes，” was the answer. “She is my wife.”
“Oh，I beg your pardon.” The man said，“Of course her voice is not bad，but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song.”
“I did.” was the answer.
巧合
一位女士正在唱歌。一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：
“多难听的嗓音！”他说，“你知道她是谁吗？”
“知道，”男士回答，“她是我太太。”
“噢，请你原谅。”客人说，“当然，她的嗓音并不坏，但那歌实在太差了。我真好奇是谁写了这么烂的歌。”
“是我。”男士回答道。
Roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down，he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat. “Not bad，I am next to the pig.” But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added：“Oh I am sorry，I meant the roasted one on the table.”
烤乳猪
一位先生应邀去赴宴。当他匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴地说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”但就在那时他发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到：“对不起，我说的是那只烤好的。”
单词&词组
butcher [5butFE] n.肉贩，屠夫
plough [plau] v.犁，耕地
volunteer [vRlEn5tiE(r)] n.志愿者
coincidence [kEu5insidEns] n.巧合，巧事
criticize [5kritisaiz] v.批评，指责
awful [5C：ful] adj.糟糕的，可怕的
知道不知道
电影《V字仇杀队里》里有一句台词是这样的：There are no coincidences. Only the illusion of coincidence. （这世上没有巧合，只有巧合的错觉。）
第一章 A letter for the girlfriend
致女朋友的一封信
A letter for the girlfriend
One day a young man was writing a letter to his girl friend who lived just a few miles away in a nearby town. Among other things，he was telling her how much he loved her and how wonderful he thought she was. The more he wrote the more poetic he became. Finally，he said that in order to be with her he would suffer the greatest difficulties，he would face the greatest dangers that anyone could imagine. In fact，to spend only one minute with her，he would climb the highest mountain in the world，he would swim across the widest river，he would enter the deepest forest and with his bare hands fight against the fiercest animals.
He finished the letter，signed his name，and then suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to mention something quite important. So，in a postscript below his name，he added：“By the way I'll be over to see you on Wednesday night—if it doesn't rain.”
致女朋友的一封信
一天，一个年轻男子给住在离他几英里远的镇上的女朋友写信。除写了其他的事情外，他告诉她：他爱她有多深，他认为她有多好。他越写越富有诗意，最后，他写道，为了能和她在一起，他将克服最大的困难，他将面对人可想像的最大危险。事实上，只要能和她待上一分钟，他就会爬越世界上最高的山，游过最宽的河，赤手空拳进入最浓密的森林同最凶恶的野兽搏斗。
他写完信，签好名，突然，他想起忘了写一件挺重要的事。因此，他在信末签名后又补充道：“顺便说一下，我将在星期三晚上去看你——如果不下雨的话。”
Present for girlfriend
At a jewelry store，a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Shall I engrave her name on it？” the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment，and then said，“No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love’. That way，if we ever break up，I can use it again.”
送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗？”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不——在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
Asking a question
During the computer class，the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.
“I was just asking her a question，” the boy said.
“If you have a question，ask me，” the teacher replied.
“OK，” the boy answered. “Do you want to go out with me Friday night？”
问问题
计算机课上，老师批评一个男生，因为他和后边的女生说话。
“我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。
“如果你有问题，问我好了。”老师说道。
“那好吧，”这位男生说，“周五晚上你愿意和我出去吗？”
The Three Stages of Man
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus！
男性成长的三阶段
相信圣诞老人的存在。
不相信圣诞老人的存在。
自己是个圣诞老人
